Cleo writes:
"I believed my strength was in being able to look after myself and those people I love. So I’ve always felt torn about asking for help. I’m just upset it took a pretty serious crisis to get my attention."
Cleo is a healthy, resourceful, caring partner, mother and friend. She’s always felt strongly defined by her strength and self-reliance.
But…Cleo’s independent self-image was tested during a 15-month illness. She fought a daily battle between staying resilient to keep the wheels of life turning, while suffering overwhelming fatigue and painful breathing issues.
Multiple doctors’ appointments turned into a frustrating cycle of several rounds of ineffective antibiotics. Cleo’s confusion, frustration and self-doubt spiralled as doctors dismissed her concerns.
“I just remember lying in bed, listening to the gargling in my lungs. I thought I had lung cancer. I was seriously ill – but no one was recognising it.”
“For a long time the thought of asking for better help made me feel like I was making too big a deal of things. But one night, that thought died.”
A determination to have her illness taken seriously kicked in. Cleo realised it wasn’t weak to ask for the support she needed. She demanded proper medical support, was diagnosed with serious bronchial pneumonia, and eventually got treatment.
“First I was relieved. I didn’t feel crazy and I was getting what I needed to recover. Next I was angry – 15 months of suffering!!! Finally, I figured out that I needed to work on receiving care and support.”
One insight
We're taught to listen to others who seem older or wiser. So Cleo found herself unsure when her gut reactions conflicted with her doctor's opinions. It was when she took her own needs seriously that she was able to resolve the conflict and take action.
One lesson
Often, the professionals are right. But they should always take your experiences into account. If not, keep pushing back. We've found that one of the strongest tools in resolving inner conflict is trusting your own instincts and making your needs and wishes clear to others who take you seriously.
Four questions
- Have you ever felt torn because your gut instinct was different to someone else's'?
- What would have to happen for you to trust your instincts more?
- How can you have the courage to say "I don't agree?"
- If someone seems torn about saying what they believe, how can you create space for them to do that?
This is a real-life story of inner conflict taken from our research interviews. To maintain confidentiality we’ve removed identifying details.