You ask:
Is there any such thing as inner conflict? And if there is, isn’t it easily solved? If you think things through, draw up a pros and cons list, make a decision and take action, then the decision is solved, yes? Saying you feel ‘torn’ is simply self-indulgence.
We answer:
The problem-solving strategy you’ve outlined is a great way to resolve a problem. And most people do solve problems in just that way, much of the time.
But if a problem can be solved in that direct way, it’s not really an inner conflict. And if it’s an inner conflict, it can’t usually be solved in that direct way.
Because inner conflict is different.
Inner conflict is about equal good and bad. Unlike with a simple problem, inner conflict options have pros and cons which balance almost equally. And the conflict is that the balance never quite tips. It’s hard to tell what direction is the best one to take because it feels like there are no right or wrong answers.
Inner conflict is about depth. What you’re conflicted about deeply matters to you. If it didn’t you could easily make the call, but because it does, you want to get it right. And that can take painful effort.
Inner conflict is about feeling stuck. You try every strategy you know: thinking, feeling, pros and cons, asking advice, action planning. You end up in the same place. Again. And again.
And at that point, you’re not being self-indulgent.You’re really questioning. Doubting your ability to take the right action. Maybe you’re in deep pain. You’re torn.