No help for my breakup pain

Alisdair writes:

"When I lost my first love, everyone who tried to help was wildly unhelpful. I didn't have anyone to support me. So I never expected the happy ending that I eventually got."

Alisdair and Rebecca met at school, aged 16. For seven years their love grew. Then Rebecca wanted to end things. Alistair accepted it was over. But the loss took its toll.

“My family and friends all kept saying all the wrong things. I emotionally shut up shop and told everyone I was just fine. But I knew I couldn’t keep feeling this bad for ever.”

Alisdair already knew about counselling. During lockdown and hugely lonely, he'd wondered whether to ‘see someone’. But for a long time, he didn’t dare take that leap.

“My conflict was not only whether to reach out, but how on earth to do it. I trawled through websites. I reached out to countless counsellors. But no one seemed able to give me the help I needed. I felt desperate. But eventually I found the right person.

“ The biggest shock was finding that counselling felt comfortable. Who knew? Yes, sometimes it was painful. I cried a lot. But it helped. I stayed a whole year.”

Alisdair didn’t get back with Rebecca. But his story had a happy ending. Counselling helped him recover, move on from the breakup – and find love again.

Alisdair's inner conflict wasn't about his relationship breaking up. It was about admitting that he was finding the breakup hard – and that he needed help to recover. We don't know why he was holding back, but people often do shrink from getting support because they fear being judged. What's needed then is the courage to admit their need and reach out.

Alisdair met a number of counsellors who were wrong for him. But when he found the right one, counselling felt comfortable. It's fine to hold out until you find a practitioner who feels right for you.