Astrid writes:
“I want the best for my son but then I give into him. I should be stronger. ”
Astrid is a caring mother to her 10 year old son. But she’s torn between setting boundaries and allowing him freedom. She is passionate about healthy eating, her son not so much.
“It’s difficult to get him to eat well and when I try, he’s angry. I’m coming from a place of love and I try to avoid arguments, but it’s almost impossible.”
Astrid is an experienced, confident health professional. But throughout her parenting journey she has felt weighed down by responsibility.
“I’ve felt torn from the day he was born. I sat holding him, wondering how I was going to look after him? I was frightened.’
Now, a decade on, there is an extra concern for Astrid.
“With little ones you put yourself second for a long time. But you have to take care of your own needs. I’m doing that myself a lot more.”
Astrid’s inner conflicts aren’t resolved. But she is bravely exploring what it means to balance caring for her son and herself.
“Is this loving to my son? Is this loving to myself? Parenting is really hard. But then also, I think, I need to forgive myself for this. There is no perfect answer.”
One insight
Our research suggests one of the major inner conflicts in life is the balance between meeting our own needs and caring for others. For parents, the responsibility they have for their child's well-being makes that balance even harder.
One lesson
Astrid's conflict shifted as her son got more independent and needed her less. But at any stage in life, considering our own needs is essential. It's better for you and for the other person if you care for yourself as well as for them.
Four short questions
- Who do you care for in your life?
- Are you conflicted about that – feel you should be doing more, feel you should be resenting less?
- What would help you get a better balance between caring for others and caring for you?
- If someone who was conflicted about caring asked you for advice, what would you say?
This is a real-life story of inner conflict taken from our research interviews. To maintain confidentiality we’ve removed identifying details.