The first step to solving an inner conflict is to relax around it.
Relax? Seems hard when you're on edge, keen to get the conflict sorted, anxious the situation won't resolve.
But. If you don't relax, you'll get stuck there, too on edge to think clearly, too weary to move to action. So as soon as you possibly can, relax, calm, soothe – even for just a moment or two. You'll be far more able to think, feel and act in a way that takes you in the right direction.
Here are five ways to calm yourself in the moment.
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Breathe: hands on belly, breathe slowly in then out. Don't worry about counting breaths. Focus on how it feels to be breathing. Find the breath that feels right for you right now and keep on breathing that way.
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Relax: take a long moment to check in with every part of your body, from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. As you focus on each part, let the tension it holds flow away down, leaving behind a calm, soft space.
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Focus: Name five towns in your own country which begin with the same letter as your first name does. Which is your favourite of those towns – whether you have visited it or not. Now think of some reasons why.
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Move: If you're in private space, touch your toes, stand up and sit down several times, hug yourself tight with both arms. If you're in public and need to keep up appearances, wriggle your toes and fingers fast, or clench then unclench your fists. If you’ve got time, walk up and down the corridor – and if you’ve got more time, walk round the block.
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Touch: massage your left hand with your right hand, being sure to touch each finger separately and stroke the palm as well as the back of your hand. Now repeat, massaging your right hand with your left hand.
These are quick fixes. They aren't permanent. They won't resolve your conflict. But they can bring you back into a space where you can start to resolve.